


The Moment He Knew

by Iwontgiveup09



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 19:09:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5638525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwontgiveup09/pseuds/Iwontgiveup09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthias watched Erik being unhappily in love with Jonas for years always encouraging him to tell Jonas about his feelings while he was unhappily in love himself - with Erik. But for Erik there's only Jonas, at least that's what Matthias convinced himself of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Moment He Knew

Matthias was closest to Jonas the moment Shinji played a long ball and Jonas scored his first competitve goal in their home stadium after returning from his loan in Mainz. He ran over to him and gave him a hug. Soon their teammates joined in and after accepting their hugs Jonas quickly ran to the bench. Matthias looked over to see where he was heading and watched him giving Gonzalo Castro a hug. He was one of the substitute players.  
Matthias sighed, because he knew Erik was watching at home and he could imagine how he felt. Erik had been in love with Jonas for as long he could remember, but he had never told him. Matthias had always tried to encourage Erik to tell him, but to no avail. Ironically Matthias knew exactly how Erik was feeling, because he was in the same situation. With his feelings towards Erik, which didn't make all of this any less complicated. 

Matthias first noticed that he had developed deeper feelings for Erik during the World Cup in Brazil. Before that time it was always the 3 of them together, but with Jonas and Erik always having a closer bond or at least that's how it felt like to Matthias. Brazil was the first time where it was just him and Erik and all the close moments they had during that month made him realise that his feelings were more than just friendship, but he knew he could never tell Erik, because he was hopelessly in love with Jonas.  
Even in Brazil all he talked about was how much he missed him. When they returned and Jonas went on loan to Mainz shortly after it was like Erik's world was falling apart and he tried to be there for him as good as possible. Matthias was relieved when the loan year was over and was hoping for Erik's sake that he would finally be able to tell Jonas how he really feels, but things had changed...

 

* * *

 

Erik stared at the TV going from being over the moon after seeing Jonas score to hitting rock bottom seeing him hug Gonzalo. This was not how this season was supposed to go. This should be him and Jonas right now, just with him playing too and not being on the substitute bench. It felt like forever since he last stood on the pitch with Jonas, never mind celebrated a goal with him. He had looked forward to Jonas coming back so much, but unfortunately noticed quickly that things seemed to have changed between them.  
In Asia they hardly spent any time together and after Erik had tried to be close to him in training sessions, he eventually gave up when he noticed that Jonas spent more time with Gonzalo. He knew Gonzalo had a tough time being new at the club, but he still felt left out. Things seemed to improve a bit in the second training camp in Bad Ragaz, but then Erik hurt his knee and that seperated him from the team completely. 

As on cue Erik's knee started to hurt a little. It was a different pain than before his operation, but still reminded him of everything that had gone wrong this season. He continued to watch the game, but his mind was elsewhere. He switched the TV off as soon as the match was over. Despite them not having that much contact right now he wrote Jonas a quick congratulation message. He kept checking his phone during the next hour, but he didn't reply. He probably got many of those messages and he guessed he was not very high on his list of priorties right now. He was just contemplating to have a very early night when he heard a knock on his door. He slowly got up and limped over to the door. 

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Erik asked surprised when he saw Matthias after opening the door.  
"Sorry, is it too late? I can go if this isn't a good time.." Matthias said hesitatingly, looking unsure whether to go in.  
Erik pulled Matthias' arm towards him and smiled.  
"Noo, I didn't mean it like that, I was just surprised! But good surprised! Come in! Do you want a drink?"  
Erik walked slowly into the kitchen and opened the fridge.  
"A water will be fine, thanx!" Matthias replied. "And hey good to see you walk without the crutches!"  
"If you can call this walking..." Erik replied and sat down next to him. "Well done with the win today, that was a great game!"  
"Thanx... are you okay?" Matthias looked at him closely and Erik knew right away what he meant.

They had talked about this so many times Matthias knew him inside out.  
"I wasn't really okay watching it. It just frustrates me so much, this should have been me. I hate this injury!" Erik said sadly and Matthias reached over to take his hand squeezed it gently.  
"I know. When I saw him run to the bench I thought of you right away. Did you talk to him at all lately?"  
Erik leaned back on the couch and sighed.  
"Not really. He asked how my operation went, but that was pretty much it. I don't understand why he is so distant."  
"I'm sure this will change once you see eachother more often again when you start your rehabilitation and everything. Don't worry too much about it."  
"I'll try not to, but hey, thank you for coming over! I really wouldn't know what I would have done without you all those weeks and months." Erik smiled at Matthias thankfully who had to look away quickly when he felt his cheeks go red.

Erik had the most beautiful smile, he couldn't understand how Jonas didn't see this. If only Erik felt for him what he felt for Jonas. 

"Anytime! Shall we watch a movie?" Matthias asked, trying to take Erik's mind of everything for a few hours at least.  
"Sure, let's make it a funny one though, no more sad thoughts for today!" Erik said and they both settled down to watch a comedy. 

* * *

Erik's knee slowly improved over the next weeks and he finally spent more time at the training ground again. Matthias came to see how he was doing most of the time when he started his rehabilitation, but he still never saw much of Jonas. He knew he wasn't having the best time, either, because after playing many games at the start of the season, he had now only been an unused sub for many games in a row.

When Erik walked onto the pitch after the derby win against Schalke he couldn't help but go to Jonas to give him a hug. He knew how he felt. Jonas had smiled at him thankfully and for a moment it felt like it used to be between them. Like during a team training in December when Erik could finally train with the team again and Gonzalo wasn't in training and him and Jonas messed around like they used to, but those moments seemed to get more and more rare. 

Erik didn't miss all the transfer rumours around Jonas either. They seemed to increase the closer it got to January, but he wasn't really worried. Despite Jonas not having played much lately, he never thought he would actually consider leaving again already.

Until the last Sunday before Christmas. Erik was relieved that Jonas had finally started a Bundesliga match against Köln and was reading up about his post-match reaction when he noticed an audio file from an interview Jonas gave after the game. When he heard his words there he felt sick to his stomach right away. Jonas had never mentioned the possiblity of a January transfer to him. Then again he hardly talked to him anymore so that shouldn't have come as a surprise. After listening to the audio over and over again he eventually dialled Matthias' number. 

"Hey...can you come over?" Erik asked, his voice dangerously close to breaking. 

It didn't take Matthias long to drive to Erik's place. He was standing nearby the day before when Jonas gave that interview, but didn't have the heart to tell Erik about it. And this should have been coming from Jonas, not him. 

When Erik opened the door Matthias knew that he had been crying. The sad look in Erik's eyes almost made him cry himself. He closed the door behind him and moved over to give Erik a hug. Erik buried his head in his shoulder and couldn't help but to cry again. Matthias said nothing for a while and just rubbed Erik's back trying to calm him down. He knew no words could make him better right now.  
"I'm sorry about this.." Erik still had his face in his shoulder and had slowly calmed down enough to talk. Matthias moved back a little and gently wiped the last tears from Erik's cheeks.  
"Don't be..." Matthias led Erik over to the couch and they both sat down. Erik let his head drop down on Matthias' shoulder.  
"He didn't even tell me," he whispered sadly.  
"He's still here though, it doesn't mean he will definitely go. Remember when I was close to joining Gladbach last summer and I didn't?"  
"Yes, I remember. I remember how you came to me and we talked about it and how you asked for my opinion. This is what it should be like with best friends, not like this!"

Erik's hurt was turning to anger now.  
"He might still talk to you about it. He might have not made a decision yet..." The words sounded unrealistic even to his own ears, but he desperately wanted to make Erik feel better.  
Erik shook his head.  
"He said 'as it stands'. You know what that means. We've been in this business long enough. I just can't believe this is happening after he has only been back?"  
"I know... did you try to talk to him?"  
"No! I've tried again and again since he's been back, but he's always shutting me out. I don't even know why I still care."  
"We know why. You can't switch off your feelings, maybe if you told him that..." Matthias started.  
"No way, I told you, I will never tell him. Especially not now. I feel stupid enough as it is."  
Matthias saw Erik's eyes welling up again and pulled him closer to him.  
"Can you stay with me tonight? I know this sounds stupid, but..."  
"It is not stupid at all, of course I will..." Matthias interrupted him and for the rest of the day they just lay on the couch like that, Matthias holding Erik and letting him cry.

 

* * *

 

Two days later Jonas' move to Gladbach was confirmed. Even though Erik had resigned himself to it already, the "done deal" news hurt him all over again. And most of all it hurt him that he had to find out about it in the news again. He went down to the training ground and spent an hour in the weight room. He somehow had to get his mind of it all, but it didn't really work. On the way out he bumped into Gonzalo.  
"Did you know?" he asked him and when Gonzalo avoided looking into his eyes he knew the answer. "Since when?"  
"Look, Erik, this is something you should talk to Jonas about..."  
"Well, he is isn't here is he? So I am asking you! When did he decide to leave?" Erik knew it was unfair taking his anger out on Gonzalo but he couldn't help it.  
"I don't know, the first time we talked about it was after the Qäbälä home game..."  
Erik knew exactly when that game was.  
"In November?? Really?" 

Erik didn't need to hear anymore and pushed past him. Jonas had contemplated leaving since November and talked to Gonzalo about it, but not him. It was all too much. 

When he arrived back home he saw Jonas' car parked in his driveway. It almost made him turn around again, but he was exhausted and just wanted to be home. Jonas sat in front of his door.  
"Do you mind moving? I would like to go into my apartment." Erik said coldly and Jonas jumped up.  
"Look, Erik..." Erik could feel Jonas touching his arm and quickly shook him off.  
"I did not invite you in, did I?" Erik said when Jonas followed him into his apartment.  
"We need to talk..." Jonas started which made Erik even more angry.  
"NOW we need to talk? We needed to talk months ago or weeks ago, but now there's really nothing left to say."  
"I know you're hurt..." Jonas tried to start again.  
"You know nothing! Don't presume to know how I feel after months of treating me like shit."  
"I didn't, I know we didn't get to spend much time together..."  
Erik interrupted him again. Everything Jonas tried to say just made him more angry.  
"And why was that? Remember when you were in that press conference talking about my injury weeks ago and how you said you know how I feel and you would all help me once I start my rehabilitation? Where were you once I did? You didn't come to see how I was doing ONCE! We hardly even talked!"  
"It wasn't an easy time for me either, Erik. You know how awful it is when you're fit but you don't get to play."

"Of course I know that and I would have been there for you, if you had let me, but you didn't. You had Gonzalo for that didn't you?"

"He has nothing to do with his..."

"Oh really? You had time to discuss your future transfer plans with him though, didn't you? You told him in November! And you didn't bother to tell me, your best friend! Or that's what I thought we were anyways.." Erik said sadly, he was too tired to be angry any longer. All he felt was defeated.

"It wasn't like that. I knew if I would have told you, you would have freaked out, so I had to try and get a sort of neutral opinion."

"You knew that? You never even gave me a chance, Jonas. Just like when you made the loan decision, that's the second time now, just this time it's for good."

Jonas tried to touch Erik again, but he moved away. He knew if he would completely break down again if there was any physical contact between them now.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you..." Jonas said trying to search for his eyes. Erik looked away.

"Well, that's just what you did and nothing you say now will change that. You made your decision without me - again. And you know what's the worst? We didn't even get to play together again, you didn't even give us that chance."

"Look how much I played since Hoffenheim? Do you think I wanted to have that for another 5 months?"

"No, but I wasn't there then! Things could have been different, they always were when we were on the pitch together. We've been through so much since BVB II and there was never anyone who I connected with on the pitch like you and I know it was like this for you too, you could have waited until summer at least, but either way, you made your decision. Good luck at your new club." Erik got up and opened the door.

"I can't leave things between us like this..." Erik noticed the tears in Jonas' eyes, but it was too late.

"You already did. Goodbye, Jonas..."

Jonas tried to hug Erik one last time, but he didn't let him. "Just leave now, please..."

"I'm sorry..." Jonas whispered and slowly walked out of the door. And out of Erik's life.

* * *

 

The following weeks were not easy. Matthias tried his best to cheer up Erik, but nothing he tried seemed to help. Erik was finally back on the pitch and able to play games again, but it didn't seem to matter to him anymore. He smiled for the cameras and smiled dutifully after wins, but Matthias noticed that his smile never reached his eyes anymore. In mid February, one and a half month after Jonas had left, they were at Erik's place watching a film when Matthias knew something had to change.

"You need to stop, Erik."

Erik looked up at him surprised.

"What?"

"You need to stop letting him hurt you! I have been trying everything in the last weeks to make you feel better, but you won't even give me a chance. Maybe it's time to ask yourself that question if he's really worth it if he makes you feel that miserable? When was the last time you were truly happy? I can't even remember. You need to let him go for your own good!"

"It's not that easy. I thought you understood me."

Erik looked at him with hurt in his eyes, but Matthias knew this had to be said.

"I do! But look at you! It's completely dragging you down, you don't even look like you're having fun playing football anymore, something that you love the most! And it's dragging the people you care about you down too. I care about you, in case you didn't notice and I am done watching you doing this to yourself."

Matthias got up and took his coat.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Home. Think about what I said, Erik, I really mean it..." Matthias said and left. It hurt him more than anything to leave Erik like this, but he knew it had to be done.

 

Erik had never felt more alone. He watched Matthias leave. He wanted to go after him, but he knew it was pointless in that moment. He felt angry at first, but in the following days he started to realize he was right. No person was worth him feeling this badly. Jonas was in Gladbach enjoying his new life and he had to start properly living his again. Matthias didn't get in touch with him again since he left that night. He watched him in training laughing with the others and suddenly realized how much he missed him. And how much he had taken him for granted. All those months or rather years he had always listened to him talk about his feelings for Jonas every day without complaining once. He was always there for him and all he had ever done was talk about Jonas. Erik was always sure that Jonas was his best friend, but wasn't it Matthias who truly behaved like a real friend?

A week after they last talked Erik couldn't stand it any longer and drove over to Matthias' place on Thursday night. He felt ridiculously nervous. When Matthias opened the door it was the first time that Erik really noticed how gorgeous he was. He spent nearly every day with him in the last years, but he never seemed to have truly saw him.

"Hey..." Erik said shyly. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Matthias smiled and moved to the side. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No, thanx." Erik sat down and looked at the TV. "Watching Europa League?"

"Yep.." Matthias said and they both pretended to be engrossed in the games that were just being played. Erik couldn't even say who was playing, he was just trying to find the right words to say in his head. He felt Matthias' eyes on him now and again and every time he looked over to him their eyes locked for a few seconds before Erik looked away again.

"I'm sorry!" they suddenly both said into the silence and then laughed.

"You have nothing to be sorry about at all!" Erik said and Matthias stopped him.

"I do, I shouldn't have said what I said, I didn't want to hurt you too."

"You said exactly the right thing. Someone had to say it and I am glad that it was you. I needed to be shaken out of that state I was in and during the last week where we didn't talk I missed you so much and I realized how I almost took our friendship for granted. You have always been so supportive and I really can't thank you enough for everything." Erik said honestly. Matthias smiled.

"That's what friends are there for."

Matthias reached out for Erik's hand. When their eyes locked this time Erik didn't look away. He edged closer to Matthias. Matthias let go of Erik's hand and took Erik's face in both of his hands and kissed him. Gently at first, waiting for Erik's reaction. When he felt Erik giving in to the kiss it turned passionately. Erik couldn't keep his hands out of Matthias' hair, it felt so soft. He had kissed many girls before, but never shared a kiss like this with anyone. They eventually had to stop to catch their breaths.  
"I..." Erik started.  
"Let's not talk now..." Matthias put his finger on Erik's lips and pulled him in for more kisses.

* * *

 

Today was the 12th of May. Erik's birthday. Jonas sat in his new apartment in Gladbach looking at Erik's contact details on his phone. They hadn't talked since Erik told him to leave on the day his transfer was announced. Jonas was sure that he had made the right decision joining Gladbach, but 5 months later he wasn't so sure anymore. Herrmann and Hahn were back and it all felt a bit like a throwback to the first half of the season, he started many games in a row, but spent a lot of time on the bench lately.

And he missed Erik. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone and this is what he felt like right now. Erik was right, there was noone he connected with on the pitch like him and there was noone he connected with off the pitch like him. While he couldn't fix the on the pitch connection anymore, he had to at least try fix their friendship.

* * *

Erik and Matthias were having dinner at Matthias' place for his birthday. Matthias had suggested the Acqua Pazza for dinner, but they both agreed that they felt much more comfortable sitting at home with a pizza than in a posh restaurant.

When Matthias was just about to lean down to kiss Erik they were interrupted by Erik's phone ringing. Erik saw Jonas' name flashing on his screen and drew in a sharp breath. Matthias looked down at Erik's phone too now.

"I'll give you some privacy," he said and started to get up, but Erik grabbed his hand and pulled him back down again.

"No, don't.." he continued to hold his hand and answered the call.

"Hello?"

Erik heard Jonas clearing his throat on the other line.

"Hey... happy birthday, Erik" Jonas said softly.

"Thank you..." Erik said politely, he also didn't know what else to say, it had been so long.

"So, how are you?"

"I am good thanx and you?"

"I am okay, thanx. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight for your birthday? Just me and you?" Jonas asked almost shyly.

Erik looked at Matthias and could tell he was worried. He locked eyes with him and there was no doubt in his mind who his heart belonged to.

"I already have plans, sorry."

"Oh, of course, I should have called sooner, well have a good night then."

"Thanx, you too.."

Erik ended the call and leaned over to Matthias, kissing him softly.

"I love you." Erik whispered. Matthias smiled.

"I love you, too."

And there were no more words needed.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was different than what I wrote so far, I never thought I'd ever write anything but Durmann, but over the last few days I decided that Matthias definitely needs more fanfiction love! Hope you like it and always happy to read comments :)


End file.
